So, basically, this is my blog about what I feel like God is doing in my life. I've tried so many times to figure out just what He wants me to do, but have always allowed myself to be defined by something that isn't what He really wants for me. In 1st Corinthians 12, Paul talks about spiritual gifts and how we each make up a distinct part of the body of Christ. I've always defined myself, not by my own individual part, but the part I played within other "parts", the organizations that I was affiliated with, the friends that I had, the churches I was apart of, the relationships I was in, etc. The list goes on and on, but one thing that is for certain is that none of these definitions have taught me what my true calling is or how to be comfortable with myself and by myself. I want GOD to define my life, not those other things. The things of this earth shouldn't mean as much as they do to me, and yet, I can't quite get to the point of allowing God to work to his fullest because I am so intent on pursuing things on this earth rather than the things that will bring God glory.
I was in a relationship, one that made me really happy, but all of a sudden, things got bad. It was long distance and it was hard, but for 2 years, we had made it work and then it just slipped away, right through my fingers. It teaches you the fluidity of life and how the things of this earth change, but God always remains the same, standing with open arms, awaiting us once we return to Him when we've realized how far we've strayed. I allowed that relationship to be what made me happy rather than allowing God the pedestal of happiness, grace, and mercy giver. He needs to become the DEFINING FACTOR, the one thing that brings me happiness when nothing else can. I want to share that journey (sort of...I don't think anyone will actually follow my blog, which is kind of comforting, but at the same time, allows this to be individual to me since I assume most people out there really won't care.) Honestly, it isn't validation I seek or even understanding. I merely needed a forum to let my thoughts flow stream of conciousness, in order to see what I am truly thinking and what I really need to be saying to myself in order to be my own person, free of the constraints of this earth, and fully reliant on God in every aspect of my life.
